How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
