oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
