If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
