There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
