the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize