I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
