tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
