The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
