woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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