the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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