If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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