I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize