My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They have beer where we have blood.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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