Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
