Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had to cum in my sink.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
