So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
