u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
