While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
