I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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