I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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