Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize