when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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