covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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