I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
