By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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