i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
