It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
