just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
