you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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