Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
