update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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