ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
