Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
