i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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