I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
