this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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