So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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