The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize