That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
