i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
