I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
