My brain says no but my pants say off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
