FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
