you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
