How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
