I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
