I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my poor anus
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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