When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
