WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need to sanitize my soul.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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