Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
