I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
