if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
