My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
