My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
