If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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