Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
