he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
