All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
