What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
