cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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