I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
