the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
