they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
