Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
