You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
