My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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