I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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