I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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