My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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