you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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