...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
soo... how was my night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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