I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
