You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
