By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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