dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
