so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
