pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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