so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
