we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize