He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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