in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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