i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize