On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
