There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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