did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
