If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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