Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
