Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
