Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
