At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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