i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
