tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
