Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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