so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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