I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
