we have officially lost it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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