it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
