Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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