you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
