Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
