My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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