I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize