your parents love me but you hate me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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