I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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