Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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